THAT DUDE FROM "SEVEN"

  Usually, I'm very reluctant to take the piss out of anybody. Unless, of course, they take themselves way too seriously. Case in point; the following advert from Chanel No.5, starring Angelina Jolie's better half.

I almost shit my pants out of anger and it's prompted me to write an open letter to Mr. Pitt ...

  Dear Bradley Ulysses Pitt;

  WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT? This sort of pretension in advertising is left to sports stars who are too 'roided up to know any better. Dude, you starred in "Seven". "SEVEN", dude. You played the husband of Gwynneth Paltrow BEFORE she actually got married to that whiney bedwetter from Coldplay. Have you ever heard a Coldplay song? Dude, they make Nickelback look HARD! Anyway, "Seven" ruled. What is wrong with you? Get your beautiful face out of Angelina's cold, hard tits for one second and listen to me: You are peddling perfume, dude. PERFUME. Stop being such a twat and write the sequel to Moneyball already, will you.