Friday, November 2, 2012

MOVEMBER SPAWNED A MONSTER

#10 - ODDJOB
  I give points to Oddjob for the mere fact that he annoyed the fuck out of James Bond throughout "GoldFinger" and that he didn't further perpetuate the notion that Asians only look good wearing fu manchus.


#9 - GEORGE PARROS
  The NHL enforcer/star not only made the league look tough again, but he started to make us forget about those ridiculous mullets Eastern Europeans brought over in the early 1990s.
#8 - GERALDO RIVERA
  Geraldo would have made it higher up on in the list if he wasn't such a douchebag and if he didn't work for Fox News. That being said, Geraldo's 'stache is classic. It should be bronzed when he dies.

#7 - HULK HOGAN
  What can you say about Hulk's handlebar 'stache? It's about as American as being gunned down in a public place and about as recognizable as Ron Jeremy's penis.
#6 - SALVADOR DALI
  Mr. Dali's 'stache was more of a piece of art than anything else. It's certainly not the kind of thing you go riding on a motorcycle with. And it most definitely is not the type of 'stache you'd hope to intimidate someone with.
  Though, if you want to get yourself beaten up really quickly, this is the moustache to get that point across.

#5 - GOOSE GOSSAGE
  Goose pitched for the New York Yankees for a number of years. Long before Steinbrenner made Don Mattingly shave off his famous mutton chops. This 'stache clearly says to the world that he loves to get drunk, fight and fuck whatever girl he decides is his for the night.
#4 - LANNY MACDONALD
  The Lanny is as wild as a night out in Nunavut with your friends, two polar bears and a 40 ounce bottle of Native moonshine. It's not the intimidating sort of 'stache that it could be, but it does make you second-guess yourself and your ideas about life.
#3 - ROLLIE FINGERS
  This is a perfectly quaffed 'stache that could be functional in an array of different situations. It's cowboy, yet French class all rolled into one.
  Rollie could go get wasted in a Houston dive bar one day and accompany the Queen of Sweden to a gala the next. It's tough and tuxedo friendly all at once. And that's a very rare combo indeed. Extra points for being named Rollie Fingers.


#2 - CHARLIE CHAPLIN
  Hitler ruined this 'stache for everyone.
  That sucks because this compact and simple moustache rocks.

#1 - TOM SELLECK
  The Selleck. 'nuff said.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

BURT REYNOLDS
  Burt would have made the list, if not for the fact that he's kinda like the poor man's Tom Selleck.

COLONEL SANDERS
  How amazing is this look?
  It didn't make the list simply for the fact that the 'stache doesn't stand alone without the chin strip.

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